Modern Hussy’s Etiquette

By the Modern Hussy

One day you are making out in an alcove with a cute boy and the next thing you know, he is moving in!

When you find that special someone who makes you laugh so hard that you almost pee yourself and who also makes you weak at the knees, it is a good idea to test out life togetherness by sharing a space to see if you can coexist.

This is a petrifying idea that often ruins relationships, so I have collected tips from (super awesome and amazingly wise) readers who do live with their SO’s, to ease the transition from living alone or with roommates, to living with a sexy roommate. Enjoy!

1. Make it look like “our” place. Not “his” or “hers”. Buy furniture together and let him take his ugly favorite chair … and remember you have some stuff he finds super ugly and unnecessary too.

2. Try to set up a corner where you can withdraw – or just move back into a city where you can afford a BIG place and have a whole room for yourself 😉

3. Do not only hang with your significant other. If you ignore your friends, you’re a cunt. Have a life outside of your common law relationship. Morphing into a total bubble of annoying emo barf is great, but you need to come up for air and give love to your other friends too.

4. Schedule proper date nights. Sex or watching a movie at home does not count.

5. Have dinner (or other meals) with the television off 90% of the time.

6. Divide chores by who likes to do what. Of course, like all good rules there are exceptions. And if you both hate doing everything, divide chores by who hates each chore the least.

7. Ban farting. (Please note: it turns out that farting can be hard to ban.)

8. Make sure your hangout comfy clothes are attractive. Leggings, cozy sweaters, short-short onesies. If you have the tits for it, hang out braless. This is totally the time to purge your underwear drawer. (for tips on your underoos, please refer to this post: http://modernhussy.tumblr.com/post/3450435115/on-underwear)

9. Be romantic – leave notes, make his/hers favourite pie, buy his/hers favourite cookies, whatever. My friend hides a chocolate egg for his lady every day and it delights her every time she finds it.

10. Girls, keep a little mystery about what really goes on in the bathroom. For further tips on this refer back to remaining a creature of mystery always!!! http://modernhussy.tumblr.com/day/2011/11/10)

11. Spend a lot of time naked.

12. Just ask yourself “is this going to matter in a year”… Before throwing any hissy fits.

13. But a every now and then a healthy irrational hissy fit is ok if it means you get to have make up sex….

14. Know what to hang up and what to put the in dryer.

15. Build in to your budget money for edible nipple tassels (or whatever). Money stresses are a relationship killer so it’s important to factor in these costs that might otherwise fly under the radar.

16. If you can afford it, get a cleaner. You can blame him/her for everything that is lost/broken/misplaced/dirty, which avoids lots of arguments (on a side note-unfortunately my request for a topless maid was axed due to cost issues… why do people have to be so logical?)

17. Historically dishwashers have saved many marriages.

18. Find out what each other’s pet peeves are and honour avoiding them. I fly into a blind rage when someone squeezes the toothpaste out of the middle of the toothpaste tube.

19. See if you can stagger working hours a bit in the a.m. so you keep some of the mystery and so you’re not bumping into each other while you floss/curl your eyelashes.

20. You still need to be a WHOLE person, so have a life outside the relationship and some personal space in the house.

21. Make time to hang out. When you live together, it’s easy to take each other’s company for granted. So go on a date, ride bikes or walk your neighbour’s fucking dog. Watching TV and sex don’t count.

22. Have loads of fun! Moving in together does not mean you should be turning into a bitter responsible adult. Be silly, get into a food fight (hopefully the day before the cleaning lady comes), laugh till you cry, let go of grudges, and make out a lot!

Lots of Luck from the Modern Hussy!