Modern Hussy’s Etiquette

By the Modern Hussy

For us Easto kids, hygiene is something that is taught since the beginning. Grade one education includes a class on hygiene, for those kids who’s parents were from a village and didn’t have enough cutlery for the whole family or whatever.

Anyhow, I am always appalled at the lack of hygiene I see around me and thought I’d give you a crash course in hygiene etiquette–

1. Certain things do not go on the dining room table (or any surface you eat off)- those things include hairbrushes, money, your purse (all super filthy).

2. Fruits and vegetables should be washed. You’re not picking these directly from your garden, and should always imagine a sweaty dude picking his nose, coughing and scratching his balls while touching the apple you are about to bite into.

3. Certain things should not be shared. Those include deodorant, and more obvious ones – toothbrushes and undergarments. Personal grooming items that touch your squishy, sweaty bits should be exclusively yours.

4. You shouldn’t go out on the street barefoot or in your socks, only to come back into the house. Again imagine a dude vomiting onto the sidewalk, while his dog shits on it. Sure the rain may have washed it away, but you are dragging all the residue and other horrible dirt into the house, where it eventually gets into your bed, and into all your shoes. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

5. Eating something off someone’s plate (unless you are on a date or really really good friends with someone)  is pretty gross. I’ve seen girls at the office take bites out of eachother’s lunches and shudder. If you ask me for a sip of my drink you can just keep it. People’s mouths are disgusting and I’m not into ingesting other people’s spittle.

6. Things you should not do on public transport- clip your nails, floss your teeth, eat corn on the cob. This actually happens regularly, at least around these parts… Which is shocking. All of those activities should be done elsewhere.

7. Remember that public transport is the filthiest hell hole- WASH YOUR HANDS when you get home. Always. No excuses.

There is your short list, friends!
I hope you have a cleaner week!
Love M.H.

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