Modern Hussy’s Etiquette

Some time ago I posted an entry about getting a tattoo here.

I have to do a follow up after my beach vacation on the worst tattoos I have seen:

1. Again several unicorn heads. On women over 40. Worst

2. Dolphins.  Also on women over 40. What’s up with older broads and bad tattoo choices? And please remember my rule – if you meet someone with a dolphin tattoo, don’t bang them because it is almost certain that they are high maintenance.

3. A dude with a back piece dedicated entirely to himself. So, his year of birth on a banner, with two doves carrying it forward, a GIANT cross, his name and then the lyric of what appeared to be a classic rock song. Actually I am still on the fence whether that tattoo is incredibly douchey or amazing. I mean, a whole back piece so blatantly dedicated to you? That’s dedication. You gotta respect that.

4. A neck tattoo of a Chinese symbol on someone with no obvious roots to Asian culture. Dude was kinda thuggy, yet his ink is what girls usually get as a tramp stamp?

5. And speaking of tramp stamps, I saw one on a woman that was the imprint of a lipsticked kiss. Uhhhhhh.

6. La piece de resistance – this guy was the chubby jokester of the group (you know the kind, every group of friends has one – his weight gives him self esteem problems, so he makes up for it by being the funny guy who will do anything to see the approval of his friends). Across his back, in bad BAD font, likely a product if his own ‘creativity’, it said K-MAX . A tattoo of an inside joke to make your friends laugh? Quite likely. Blargh.

Look, it’s fine if you wanna get inked. Tattoos are amazing and beautiful and allow you to express yourself, it is petrifying what people choose for that self expression however. The same way that taste in clothing is subjective, so is taste in ink.

So I can only offer you minimal advice if you are going to get a tattoo:

1. Find a well known, safe, nonsketchy shop. Don’t do it while on vacation at a beach stand (hello, all the heps)

2. Don’t pick anything off the wall or off the Internet. Let’s have some creativity. Find a tattoo artist whose work you like and pay them to design something unique for you.

3. Don’t get anything tribal. Ever.

4. Tramp stamps on dudes are never ok.

Happy ink!

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