While looking for the next love of your life you will likely date several randoms: the cute boy from the video store, that guy you picked up at the bar while incredibly intoxicated, the guy you stalked on instagram since forever, the barista from the cool café, etc. these are all good and a learning experience.
The more people you date the better you will know what you do and do not want from a relationship.
Anyways, I have mentioned before that when you first hook up with someone new, you are full of cautious hope that he or she is THE ONE, and it is hard to really determine the kind of person he or she is.
I mean, you’re usually all full of sex and smitten by his/her smell and have the movie Grease on the brain, where you, as a prim and proper heroine, will turn a bad boy into a well behaved investment banker. Or whatever!
You know who can help you? Your (judgmental) friends.
Friends are miracle workers in these situations as they will make you determine whether the guy or girl you are dating is bad news. They see things you don’t and their cleverly crafted questions and comments are not unlike a psychological interrogation.
Here are some tips on how to orchestrate a full character investigation using your friends, and how to judge the behaviour of your new object of desire:
1. The timing. Dragging your new catch to meet your friends after the second date is too soon. Wait until the fourth.
2. The setting. Make sure that it is a comfortable place. I suggest breaking the ice at a bar or a concert; booze is involved and you have something else to look at. This approach dampens the intensity of ‘come meet my friends’, which can be intimidating to some people.
3. Alternate setting. If you want to throw your new catch into the deep end, a dinner party or drinks at someone’s house are the perfect opportunity. Note that this kind of setting is more intimidating and puts a spotlight on the newcomer. His/her behaviour will be likely altered as he/she works hard at impressing your friends. Do not have a dinner party at your place because it will make him/her feel as if you are trying to play house.
4. How to tell if your crush is nervous. Signs of nerves can include, but are not limited to:
- voice getting louder – this says, look at me, I have stuff to say and I will make my presence known by being loud.
- jokes getting inappropriate – making cracks about aids or whatever is used for shock value. This happens under pressure of wanting to impress 6 new ‘friends’.
- he/she starts sweating and pounding back drinks – a clear sign of he/she is feeling inadequate and out of place. Or is an alcoholic. A toss up.
- he/she becomes quiet and stops participating in conversation.
5. How to help alleviate your crush’s nerves.
(a) You can steer the conversation away from aids and masturbation and onto more company friendly topics. The inappropriate joke has its place, but should not dominate the night.
(b) You can hold his/her hand to help mellow out the mood. Physical touch has a calming effect.
(c) You can keep pouring everyone drinks.
6. What not to do. You should not insult your crush or tell him/her that his/her behavior is inappropriate, with everyone around. You can address this later, when alone.
7. Don’t overdo it. While your friends make for an excellent panel of judges, you can’t keep bringing around every single dude you want to bang. You need to have your own criteria for weeding out the stupid ones (some tips here). Your friends step in when you find someone you want to bang more than twice.
I think you are all set. And remember this, if your crush cannot handle a night out with your friends, you need to reconsider his or her candidature to be your significant other. How can he/she like you if he/she cannot get along with your friends?