Modern Hussy’s Etiquette

By the Modern Hussy

On Mass Extinction

I have very recently come back from a beach vacation. Although I am usually a more ‘off the beaten path’ traveler, this time my lover and I decided to do something easy and cheap- the all inclusive resort.

Pretty much as soon as we got there we realized that going to an all inclusive resort was prooooobably a mistake for the likes of us (creative childless couple in our early-ish thirties, who live downtown, buy 40$ olive oil and don’t own a car).

All inclusive resorts on average are filled with people who live in the suburbs, and think of themselves as world travelers because they have been to two resorts in Cuba and one in Mexico.

We tried to keep an open mind and enjoy it for what it is, but as the week went by we kept becoming more and more disenchanted with our fellow vacationers.

First of all, has everyone decided to collectively let themselves go and we didn’t get the memo? Girls and boys on their 20s were out of shape blobs of flabbiness. It wouldn’t hurt you to move once in a while. Exercise has some excellent life benefits, you know. It’s kind of a problem when your 55 year old mom has a banging body while you trail behind all slob like and slouching. We got a false sense of ego as everyone else was fat and disgusting, waddling around while sipping sugary sex on the beach from giant mini keg sized insulated receptacles.

Which brings me to my next rant; I get it, you brought your insulated cup, you don’t like using disposable cups and like your drink to keep cool. However does your ‘cup’ need to be the size on a mini keg, and must you fill up seven of them on your trip to the bar?

Also, I can’t help but notice that you have refilled your keg-cup three times at the swim up bar yet have not left the pool. Do you have an abnormally large bladder? No, you don’t, you are full on pissing in the pool. I hate you.

Would you believe me that this far I had managed to avoid the ‘gundam style’ song? I make sure I don’t get exposed to things that will piss me off… This came to an end on my vacation, as clearly the resort played it at every possible chance, while all the uglies danced. Wow, what a way to make yourself look even more unattractive!

I had never wished more for zombie apocalypse.

I could go on, but it will probably make me sound even more shallow. Hehe…

Anyhow, next year, Art Basel Miami instead?

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