Modern Hussy’s Etiquette

By the Modern Hussy

On this year…

Most people use December and January as a way to analyze their hits and misses of the year, but I prefer back to school.

Summer ends and you go back to working regular hours and wearing pants even if you (like I) are years post graduation. What better time, as you kiss goodbye lazy park chill outs and calling in sick after that awesome birthday party you went to, and start making resolutions that this fall you are going to be better, healthier, nicer and make everything count.

While it’s super important to have future goals, it is also important to understand what you did right (and wrong) in the past months. It is a good time to extract just what this year was about and your level of happiness. I like to do this around now… Still got August for heat and fun and still have time to start making any real necessary changes for September.

So here is what my last year was about…

1. I thought that by this age I would lose the teenage angst and stop feeling like Holden freaking Caulfield. Turns out, I’m as angsty as always, more and more people are total phonies, I have just become better at spotting them and gained more ability to remove them from my life and stop wasting time on those who don’t matter.

2. Mediocrity is the new ‘making it big’. For some reason this year more and more people (me included) seem to be accepting kinda sliding by. My twenties were all about competitive ambition and trying to ‘succeed in my career’ no matter what, yet now, my priorities have shifted. Your career ain’t gonna keep you warm at night, so, while it is important to stay ambitious, remember that working on your personal relationships is super significant too. Call your mom and tell her you love her, catch up with that old friend you haven’t spoken to in six months, and turn off the interwebs to have a conversation with your SO.

3. It is better to have five of your closest friends at your birthday party, than an internet full of Facebook friends sending you wishes because your special day showed up in their newsfeed.

4. If I ever reproduce I will deffo not allow anyone to put the photo of me sweaty post delivery / vagina tearing on the interwebs. Ya ya the miracle of life is beautiful blablabla, but some things are intimate and private. Plus let’s not kid ourselves, maybe 0.01% of girls look good sweaty, puffy and wearing a hospital gown.

5. Stop buying disposable crap. It’s really frightening how much we consume. Technology becomes obsolete in five min and people go gaga if they don’t have this season’s latest everything. Well, that sucks. Stop buying crap. Invest in quality and keep things for a long time, remember that you don’t need all that junk anyways, and spend your money in the best possible way- on good quality food, fine booze and travel. The rest is irrelevant.

6. If you hate what you do, stop doing it. Quit your job, enroll in that underwater welding program and turn your happiness around. Life is too short to be miserable or oppressed by talentless bitch bosses. So try to do something that satisfies you. What’s the worst thing that can happen if it doesn’t work out? You’ll have to get a job at Starbies and just get by for a while. I hear they have amazing benefits and you can likely have free coffee for lyfe. Bottom line is, it’s never too late to make a change for the better.

7. Stop taking certain things so seriously. I work in fashion. There is an angry uprising when buttons come back 1 mm too big or the wrong shade of white. Fuck you! Are those buttons saving lives? Are they curing cancer? No? Then it doesn’t really matter.

8. Find someone nice to fall in love with. It’s really easy to find dudes to get crunk with at the coolest parties. Do you know what is hard? Finding a dude who will come over with three seasons of The Wire and a six pack of Gatorade and hang out with you while you are puking and delerious with fever from the stomach flu. Hang on to that guy!

(Note that when you find that guy and HE gets sick you have to stay home and take care of his sick ass back.)

On that note, have FUN.

Stop worrying about money and status and getting ahead. Appreciate the things you have and gauge your richness by how happy you are. Oh and definitely buy yourself some expensive shoes once in a while. <3

Modern Hussy

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