Modern Hussy’s Etiquette

By the Modern Hussy

My favorite weather is here!

Steamy hot, over thirty degrees, sweat all the time sunshine and shorty shorts weather.

However, instead of waking up at noon followed by coffee followed by tanning on the terasse followed by luring boys into late night whiskey activities as per last summer, this year I get to wake up too early to think and make the depressing trek to the office.

People-judging on my way and at work, I have realized how many women are completely incapable of dressing themselves in this weather.

I thought winter was bad, yet day in and day out I see sweaty, messy, terrible disaster making their morning trek.

Because I am a nice person I will give you some glorious tips on how to make sure you look well pulled together and a poster child for summer cool, professionally.

1. Public transport and heat wave are the worst of all combos.

You have to make sure you give yourself am extra ten minutes because as soon as you have to run for one of your connections you’re a sweaty mess and it’s pretty much over.

2. You also have to strategize your outfits to fit both the outside tropical weather and your air conditioned cubicle. 

Thankfully, I work in fashion, in a pretty young office, so we are not totally buzzkilled with a dress code of lady suits and button downs. Most offices are pretty much the entire Zara collection all the time, and very few of my readers probably wear lady suits. So remember what works: summer dress + cardi = perfect office outfit / remove cardi = après office cool. Most offices are air conditioned to hell so you will want to have a light sweater, which also acts as coverage for dress code inappropriate tops.

3. Remember what’s NOT ok, even if your office is really relaxed.

This morning I saw a bitch wearing pleather short shorts TO WORK. The only way you could maaaaybe remotely pull that off is if you weigh approximately 80 pounds, which she most definitely did not, instead appearing like she strapped a truck tire tube to her ass.

Short shorts + tight tank top are not ok. Dressy shorts (ie must have pockets and a zipper, no rips and not be denim) with a chemise or loose flowing top paired with flat sandals are totally office appropriate on a Friday. Never ever pair your short shorts with stilettos or high heels, because you will look like an Easto hooker.

4. Shoes – your more risky (read- short or revealing) outfits can be mellowed out with the appropriate footwear choice.

Flat sandals, driving slippers, ballets, oxfords can all take your look from hoe to summer professional.

5. High heeled sandals were made for this. Wear yours with cuffed pants or even boyfriend jeans and a loose tank or t shirt. Or with a flowing skirt and light sweater.

6. The universal dressing rule applies here: if you are going to be more revealing on top, you cover more on the bottom and vice versa.

Example: if you are wearing a boobascular tank top, wear long pants or knee length skirt. If you are going with a shorter skirt or shorts, add a loose tee, or light sweater on top.

7. Things that I have seen at work which are never ok no matter what:

– fluo bandeau top with crochet top over it (are you at the beach? Wtf)
– yoga clothes as work clothes
– anything backless (especially with your bra strap showing… Ughhhhhhhhggh)
– anything too short or too tight. Should be self explanatory. No one needs to see your cervix.
– flip flops- If you dressed up for work, but then put on flip flops, it doesn’t count. Flip flops are only ok for the beach or running out to the corner store to get milk or chilling pool side and not wanting to get foot fungus from the change rooms. Flip flopped feet in the city are filthy and disgusting. Shame!!!! Flat sandals are readily available everywhere and most likely on sale right now. Get some!

8. Everyone sweats differently.

If you are moist as soon as temperatures hit the 20s, wear white or black, and loose items, so that you do not get pit or back stains. I found that going to hot yoga for several years has really helped me with heat management and I can usually yoga breathe myself out of any sweat potential situation!

Follow these simple rules to looking like a million bucks, instead of a slutty sweaty trainwreck.

Happy summer


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