By the Modern Hussy
We all know it, we all do it.
Passive aggression is a horrible monster that rears its ugly head every time we feel misunderstood or hurt but don’t have the balls or common sense to speak about it with our friends or lovers.
Passive aggression is futile because not only does it not work; you always end up losing in the end. It’s kind of like the equivalent of girls faking orgasms. It results in repeatedly being in uncomfortable and awkward situations.
Let me give you an example of how passive aggressive behaviour has failed me in the past.
Example 1: Some years ago I realized that I was the only one taking the garbage out at the house. To teach my roommates a lesson I stopped doing it to see how long it would take them to take care of the mess.
Result: My roommates did not care. Living in a house that reeked of rotting food and throwing things into a very clearly overflowing bin did not seem to be a big deal to them. They let it stand for so long that by the time I eventually did take it out, there was a fresh, perfectly repulsive family of maggots living at the bottom of the bin. In an act of fury and disgust I drowned the maggots in Javex and ended up spilling bleach on my new favorite pants.
Passive Aggression: 1 / Modern Hussy: 0
This system worked very well and there was always coffee in the house… Until one time, when the roommate was very busy with work and didn’t get any coffee. “No big deal” I thought and purchased another half kilo.
After we went through that, I patiently waited for a couple of days for him to get more beans. Nothing. I decided to drink green tea for a bit, in case he forgot or had not had a chance to go to the store. Still no coffee.
“How inconsiderate” I thought, and decided to make a point by not buying it.
A month later I had spent five times as much money getting 5$ coffee in pretentious cafes, and our house remained caffeine free…. Or so I thought. One Saturday morning I awoke to the glorious sounds of the grinder! Finally!! My point has been made! I sauntered into the kitchen to make myself a long deserved cup… Only to find the grinder empty, and the beans nowhere to be found…
My roommate had started keeping secret coffee!!!!
Did he forget that the last two bags were bought by me? Did he decide he didn’t want to share coffee anymore? Did he just get a bag of Kopi Luwak coffee as a gift from a friend who recently vacationed in Indonesia?
I guess I will never know.
Passive Aggression: 2 / Modern Hussy: 0
I feel like boys are better at this kind of stuff than girls. Girls overly analyze, discuss the events with all their friends, don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and passive aggressively blog about it.
Boys on the other hand will say “Dickwad, it’s your turn to get coffee” (or butter, or beer, or WHATever) and all will be okay in the world.
So as of this week, I have decided that I don’t speak passive aggressive, and will get into the mind state of a frat boy- just say the things that are on my mind.
Open communication is a good thing!