Modern Hussy’s Etiquette

By the Modern Hussy

On Taking those Blinders Off

Why is it that when we are in love with someone they are glorious and amazing, but after breaking up with them we see their faults.

So suddenly, Artsy indie guy with underground event connections becomes Jehovah’s witness coke head who wore purple skinny jeans, and probably liked dudes more than girls.

Travelling filmmaker party guy turns to Fake Buddhist with a dolphin tattoo and a drinking problem.

Exotic Mediterranean guy who studied at Oxford is actually a broke ass loser womanizer who asked you to split on condoms.

Cuddly thug with big heart ends up as a Dumb muscle head jerk with the self awareness of a 9 year old.

Relaxed sporty guy who makes you laugh = pot head bike courier without any real income. Soiiiigh.

Dear readers, time and again this phenomenon occurs. Guy starts out being amazing and after the dust settles we choose to see them under a whole different light.

So, why does this happen?

Very often we are so excited about being in love and so thrilled that we have found someone who wants to spend loads of time with us that we undergo a type of amnesia.

It’s caused by a mix of hormones and serotonin, and makes us completely retarded.

The truth is, we know exactly what pieces of shit these guys are right from the start, but our deluded little brains sweep all that logical information under the carpet and try to justify it in our favour.

So he only made you pay for drinks on your first date because he believes in women equality, and he’s goooooing to get another job, it’s just really hard to find one in his field right now (talentless douchebag freelancer is NOT a field by the way), and he only verbally abused you because he is just SOOO stressed out about his installation exhibit right now (coke withdrawal is a bitch, huh?), and he ended up balls deep in that other broad because he is really scared of his feelings for you, and he hasn’t called you back in a month because he is sorting out his issues to be your perfect man, and he won’t let you spend the night because he has to go work out reeeeeally early.

Right.

We all know what’s wrong with a person as soon as we get with them and it is our choice to acknowledge it or ignore it.

Here are some tips that will potentially help you take the blinders off way earlier than you are used to:

1. Withhold sex. That’s right, I said it. This is not mom advice.  If you choose to get your bang-on on the first date, go right ahead… however AFTER that, take several days- and go on several dates – without getting jiggy.  Let your mind clear up from the serotonin high. If you have to talk to him and listen to him without getting distracted by his penis, you will be better off at gauging his douchebaggery levels.

 2.  Run his questionable behavior by your most judgemental friend or even your mom.  If there are things about him that you are ashamed to tell your friends (or parents), then he is likely bad news.  Your most judgemental friend will tell you that it is wack that he made you hold on to his pound of weed while his car was getting searched by the cops.

3. Check out his relationship with his mom.  And I don’t mean demand to go to his family reunion after 2 weeks of dating. I mean try and talk about families and see how he talks about his mama.  If he treats her with disrespect odds are he will do the same with you.   

4. Check out his friends. Who we roll with represents us.  Don’t forget that. If his friends are douchey scumbags, he probably has some of that in him too. Obviously take this one with a grain of salt. Sometimes we have friends from years ago who are kind of deadbeat, but history keeps us together. This is fine. However, if he recognizes that his friends have issues, there is hope.  If he thinks that his most douchey friends are effin glorious, he is probably a bad scene.

5. Does he treat you like a princess at all times? NO?  Then away with him, I believe that this advice can help you in the long run and avoid a sudden jolt of reality when you come up for air after the honeymoon is over and wonder who the fuck IS this person you went home with a year ago….

And before all you boy readers turn on me, please note that I do recognize that girls are not any different. This advice applies to girls and boys all the same.  Boys, beware of wack bitches.

And take those damn blinders off!

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